Mafia Gazette Past Issue 102
The Mafia Gazette Issue 102 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Tuesday 25th July 'WEALTHY CITIZEN TAKEN FOR A RIDE ' By Zinglebert Humptyback Sunday afternoon is supposed to me a time for reflection, for rest. You’re just getting back from the church service, time for a spot of lunch, and to turn on the wireless and catch up with the days news. Not last Sunday, instead, the population of our great nation was eagerly following the unfolding saga of Frantic and his stolen $100 million dollars. A statement was made on the streets by Angel-Islington that she had stolen the money from him, but this statement was reported to originally have been made as a joke. Frantic’s first statement to Angel, however, threatened to kill the next five generations of her family, and her friends if she did not return the money. After much heated debate, the money still remains with Angel, and the threats are still reeling from Frantic, despite the similar situation one of his family line caused in the not so distant past. MadDog, a high-profile banker, announced on the streets that he was keeping the money of all his clients, and then proceeded to taunt them when they raised offence to the situation. No actual figure was ever put on that scam, but reports suggest it wasn’t quite so large as the $100 million heist performed by Angel on Sunday. Still, some would say that it was perhaps karma for his family’s past misdoings, and some might just say what goes around comes around, this Gazette reporter will certainly be keeping a close eye on the situation. 'WEDDING BELLS ARE RINGING ' By Shattered_Complexion On Saturday evening the wedding of St. Thomas and Puck took place in a Texas Arena. The wedding was covered with Caged tigers and massive elephants galore. The pair were not the least bit shy about flashing their wealth with this lavish by impressive wedding. Many were in attendance all seemed to go as planned. There were a few jealous out cries from past lovers and jealous by standers but for the most part the wedding was perfect. As you entered the arena you passed by Lions, Tigers, and bears and from time to time a young girl could be heard saying, "Oh my!" The red velvet walkway that was laid down for the bride’s path was a sight to see and let straight through center of all of the guests. The chairs were all white oak and had been hand carved and were done so in Texas near where the bride resided. On the left side, the groom’s side, and the chairs all had a "T" carved into the middle of the back for Tanzini. Opposite to the Tanzini's, on the right side of the brides walkway the chairs were the same hand carved chairs and instead of the "T"'s the letter "P" had been carved into the backs for Puck. Both of their families were sitting on the designated side and the same with the corresponding friends The groomsmen included. FCUK, Wrenchy Kung, Mr. Smith, and Anthony Tanzini. The Maid of honor was Cougar and the Brides maids included Tarby who wore a stunning pink ensemble along with RTL, Jen and Alisha Tanzini. As the Brides maids and Groomsmen took their places the crowd felt a rumble and turned to the back of the arena. A woman came into view holding what looked like a giant leash. It was a velvet rope that led directly up into the darkness of the tunnel they were coming out of. The first woman out was w1tchy, the woman whom was walking Puck down the isle. Then suddenly the crowd gasped as the massive beast came into view, it was an African elephant. Its sheer size intimidated everyone and made them push back in their seats a little bit. They slowed as they reached where the guests began and Puck and two small children slid off the elephant. The children ran around to get in front of Puck whom was wearing a gorgeous white dress and an antique white vale. The bride smiled big at the groom waiting patiently ahead. The elephant was led away as W1tchy took Puck's arm and led the bride down the isle. The roses being thrown in front of Puck were white along with his dress signifying that Puck's virginity was still intact. The Ceremony continued with the Vowels and an emotional kiss. The crowd seemed pleased as the reception ended. There were a few worries as to how the community would react to a public wedding of two partners of the Same Sex but everyone seemed to be quite pleased with the union of these two as if it were simply usual and meant to be. Many gave their praises and congratulations before speeding off to the reception. Congrats to the new happy couple and best wishes for the honeymoon. Rumors are already speculating that their might be a tiny little Tanzini on the way very soon! 'THE GREAT BACHEALOR AUCTION ' By Shattered_Complexion On July 19th the beautiful Ms. Angel_Islington came to the streets and announce the great bachelor auction. The proceeds of the auction where announce to be given to charity and the bidding started shortly after the announcement. The Auction started with a handsome young man by the name of Axes. Soon to follow where MST, Albert_Neri, and Mr. Smith. The auction seems to be still underway due to a slight pause where Ms. Islington had to leave town unexpectedly. The auction seems to be growing more and more attention as each day passes. Men were seen standing in line to enter themselves to be Slave for a Day to the lucky woman willing to pay the price. As of know the highest bids have gone up to one million dollars. One million was bid on MST and a Mr-Smith. The auction will continue on until there are no longer any men left to bid off. So Fellas March your behinds down there and show off your stuff. And Ladies bring your pocketbooks these hunks don’t come cheap, and what intelligent lady wouldn’t love to boss around one of Mafia’s finest Gents for a day and it’s for a great cause. Who knows we may see a Ladies Auction soon to come? 'THE REAL WORD ON THE STREET ' He says, “The word on the street is… Aphex’s grey is ok, maybe equal to Randle’s.” He says, “The word on the street is… Mumsy is home, clean your rooms!” He says, “The word on the street is… Frantic is flat broke.” He says, “The word on the street is… Albert-Neri looks good in white disco suits.” 'RUMOR HAS IT ' By Shattered_Complexion Well Well Well so we are here again. I am sure last week’s edition pissed a few folks off… But hey why else am I here? And frankly I don’t give a damn. So I am here to tell it like it is for the ones who dare to listen. Well any who Friday we talked about naughty ASDA so this week we will follow behind with a little discussion on Lo Scoppio Grande. Rumor has it they aren’t exactly sure whose side they are on. Nobody likes a fence humper. Now W1tchy isn’t that bad of a gal but in no way shape or form should this lady be a leader. I mean she is one sad pity party after another. The whole damn bloodline has been. Let’s take a look at her past bloodlines. The Witchy lines has been killed countless times by the conceptualist and they publicly advertised their hate for her on many occasions and now all the sudden they are suddenly mates? What the hell? She is either completely stupid and naive for allowing them to obviously use her or she is damn genius with a master plan… somehow I think option two is VERY unlikely. Sure she screamed lies when the Gazette released stories on her links with the conceptualists well at least actions. But she was reported kidnapping Dani_California simply because the well-known conceptualist Rosario_Porello wanted her to. She was also known to have housed them at one point…. You scratch my back I’ll scratch yours… Scratch…. Stab Whatever. Inside info says even her old chums from ASDA have severed ties with her. Kissing the Enemy apparently is never a good thing… But hey who are ASDA to judge on the moral issues. Seriously Hypocritical could easily fit in to W1tchy’s description. Fosters_Angel rumor is W1tchy killed her as well… But she sure seemed sad at the funeral. Apparently leadership and power is worth revoking everything you ever believed in. Morals go right out the window when it works for some people. I listened to a speech from W1tchy in the streets just today and honestly it made me want to show my naughty finger, but I resisted barely. She really deserves an Oscar for that performance. Better yet anyone dumb enough to buy in to her bull should be lined up and hung from very very big trees or maybe shot. But alas ‘tis a day and time where the idiots rule the world. Mades wander the streets with families of three people and the grammar skills of an eight-year-old. But this is a discussion for another day. Until next time, As a wise person once said, For Fuck’s sake don’t be dimwits! The stories featured in this column are based on hearsay and should not be construed as cold hard fact. If you would like to share your rumor with Shattered_Complexion for the next edition then send your information in its entirety to the Gazette Offices. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' By John Milton Jacks’ bar – Chicago FREE DRINK WITH THIS VOUCHER! Cut out this voucher and take it to the barman to claim your free drink! One voucher per customer. Food available between 4pm-midnight. Live acts perform weekly, see staff for details. 19:13, February 17, 2013 (UTC) HORSES FOR SALE Top quality racing horses for sale from a well-stocked and reputable stables, prices open to negotiation. Contact John Milton for further information. 19:13, February 17, 2013 (UTC) Need Cash? 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